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The Informer

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DON

DON'T LEAVE YOUR GARAGE DOOR OPENER IN SIGHT IN YOUR CAR, ALONG WITH YOUR REGISTRATION IN YOUR GLOVE BOX!  A THIEF COULD NOT ONLY STEAL YOU CAR.  HE COULD USE IT TO DRIVE TO YOUR HOME, AND SIMPLY LET HIMSELF IN THROUGH THE GARAGE.  AND, WHY WOULD YOUR NEIGHBORS THINK ANYTHING AT ALL IS AMISS...WHEN THEY ONLY SAW YOUR CAR GO INTO YOUR GARAGE!  AT ANY GIVEN TIME OF DAY (AT WORK) CARS ARE TYPICALLY PARKED ONLY 3 TO 14 MINUTES FROM HOME.  MOM AND DAD ARE WORKING, AND THE KIDS ARE AT SCHOOL.  AND, MOST NIMRODS WHO HAVE ALARM SYSTEMS USUALLY STICK BIG SIGNS ALL AROUND THEIR HOUSE ADVERTISING IT!  BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER, ANYWAY.  BECAUSE A CROOK WILL SIMPLY FIRST SEE IF HE SETS OFF AN ALARM (OR LOOK FOR A PANEL FOR A SILENT) THEN SIMPLY GRAB SOMETHING QUICK, AND HIGHTAIL IT!  WELL, YOU MAY NOW SAY TO YOURSELF..."WHAT?!  WHAT A RIP-OFF!  I KNEW ABOUT THIS ALL ALONG...I NEVER LEAVE MY REGISTRATION IN THE GLOVE BOX...WHO ON EARTH WOULD DO SUCH A STUPID THING AS THAT?!"  "AND, I ALWAYS TAKE MY GARAGE DOOR OPENER WITH ME TO THE OFFICE...ALONG WITH MY LAWNMOWER!"  "IF I EVER GET PULLED OVER, I'LL SIMPLY TELL THE COP ASKING FOR MY LICENSE & REGISTRATION THAT I LEAVE IT AT HOME!"  "SIR/MAM, GET OUT OF THE CAR AND PUT YOUR HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD..."  CLICK/CLICK..."OFFICER, THE HANDCUFFS ARE CUTTING OFF MY CIRCULATION!"  "OH YA, WELL WAIT UNTIL YOUR SITTING ON THEM, TOO...FOR THE 15 MINUTE RIDE TO BOOKING!"  NO...NOT LIKELY TO HAPPEN.  BUT IF YOUR TEENAGE SON IS DRIVING YOUR CAR?  A FRIEND?  AUNT MIMI FROM OMAHA!?  DOES YOUR INSURANCE CARD, ETC DISPLAY YOUR ADDRESS?  "NO...WHAT A JIP!"  O.K., DID YOU FORGET ABOUT ANY MAIL?  THAT 7-MONTH OLD EDITION OF NEWSWEEK STILL BURIED UNDER THE PASSENGER SEAT...WITH YOUR SUBSCRIPTION LABEL ON THE FRONT COVER?!  YA...YOU'VE THOUGHT OF EVERYTHING, RIGHT?!  WHAT ABOUT IN YOUR TRUNK?  "NOTHING...AND BESIDES, MY GLOVE BOX IS ALWAYS LOCKED, TOO...SO THERE!"  YA...AND FORT KNOX PUTS ALL THE GOLD INTO BMW GLOVE BOXES...BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT THERE'S NOTHING MORE SECURE THAN THOSE!  "O.K. GENIUS...BUT NOW I REALLY WANT MY MONEY BACK, BECAUSE YOU'RE REALLY AN IDIOT...SURE, THE CROOK MAY GET INTO MY GARAGE, BUT I HAVE A DEADBOLT ON THE DOOR LEADING INTO MY HOME!"  GEE, WHAT A DIFFICULT OBSTACLE FOR AN EX-CON - DESPERATE FOR CRACK-CASH HOMEBOY TO ENCOUNTER!  AND, OF COURSE, I, LIKE YOU, ALWAYS BEFORE LEAVING FOR WORK BRING MY SAWZALL (THAT CAN CUT A CAR IN HALF!) AND ALL THE REST OF MY TOOLS INTO THE HOUSE -- THE WIFE LOVES THAT...BESIDES, ONLY TAKES ME 2-3 HOURS A DAY TO DO IT!  I ONCE ATTENDED A CLASS IN LOS ANGELES (AT WARNER BROS STUDIO IN BURBANK...IT WAS SWEET!) FOR COPS / SECURITY WHERE THE GUEST SPEAKER WAS AN EX (CON) PROFESSIONAL CAR BURGLAR...JUAN ("TITO-LAYS"...HIS FORMER GANG NAME) WAS HIS NAME.  AMONG THE VARIOUS THINGS "TITO" TAUGHT US ABOUT WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A SUSPECT WERE SCARS ON HANDS, WRISTS & ARMS (HE HAD A LOT!) FROM HURRIEDLY REACHING UNDER DASHES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO YANK OUT STEREOS!  NEAR THE END OF THE SEMINAR, WE ALL WENT OUTSIDE FOR A FEW DEMONSTRATIONS SET UP USING A (NOT THAT OLD) COP CAR.  THE ONE THAT REALLY GOT ME WAS WHEN JUAN PULLED A SPARK PLUG OUT OF HIS POCKET.  HE SAID, "JUST BECAUSE YOU STOP A GUY AT 2 AM, SEARCH HIM, AND FIND A SPARK PLUG IN HIS POCKET, DOESN'T MEAN HE'S AN AUTO MECHANIC...LIKE HE TELLS YOU."  HE THEN DROPS THE PLUG ON THE GROUND, STOMPS ON IT WITH HIS BOOT, AND PROCEEDS TO THEN PICK UP SOME OF THE SHATTERED CERAMIC.  TITO THEN GOES UP TO THE CAR (LOCKED, AND WINDOWS UP TIGHT) STANDS BACK A FEW FEET, THEN THROWS-HARD A SMALL HANDFUL OF THE BROKEN SPARKPLUG INSULATION AT THE CAR'S DRIVERS SIDE WINDOW -- KOOSH!  IT SHATTERED LIKE SOMEONE HIT IT WITH A BOWLING BALL!  HE THEN EASILY JUST KICKS THE WINDOW IN, JUMPS INTO THE CAR, JAMS A SCREWDRIVER INTO THE KEY HOLE / THEN REACHES UNDER THE DASH (WHILE LOOKING OUT THE FRONT WINDOW, WITH HIS CHIN RESTING ON THE DASH...LIKE HE'S DONE THIS 1000 TIMES!) THEN TURNS THE SCREWDRIVER...AND BAM...THE CAR STARTS!  ALL OF THIS TOOK PLACE (THE WINDOW & ALL) IN LESS THAN 2 FULL MINUTES!   BUT DOES "HE" EVEN NEED TO STEAL YOUR CAR?  NO...HE'LL PROBABLY HAVE HIS CAR PARKED NEARBY, AND JUST WANTS TO GRAB THE REMOTE & YOUR ADDRESS! 

"THIS KIND OF THING NEVER HAPPENS TO ME (OR MY FAMILY) WE'RE...DIFFERENT!"  YEP...SURE YOU ARE!

 

WELL, AND AS I SAID IN THE LISTING, THIS IS ON THE HONOR SYSTEM...I'LL REFUND YOUR MONEY, NO QUESTIONS ASKED!  FOR A REFUND, JUST SEND AN EMAIL TO geotown10@yahoo.com AND ENTER IN THE SUBJECT LINE "REFUND" ALONG WITH THE ITEM NUMBER.  AND, PLEASE, IF YOU DO LEAVE ME SOME POSITIVE FEEDBACK (I WILL FOR YOU!) PLEASE DON'T DIVULGE WHAT MY INFORMATION IS ABOUTI GREATLY APPRECIATE THIS.  WE CAN'T COUNT ON OUR GOVERNMENT AND/OR MEDIA MUCH TO GIVE US SUCH USEFUL, AND POTENTIALLY EVEN LIFE-SAVING INFORMATION.  ALL THE MEDIA IS GOOD FOR NOWADAYS IS TELLING US PRETTY MUCH WHAT WE'VE ALREADY KNOWN FOR YEARS, OR ALL ABOUT SOME MESSED-UP CELEBRITIES!  AND DON'T WORRY IF I DON'T RESPOND TO YOUR EMAIL RIGHT AWAY, EITHER.  YOUR REFUND REQUEST WILL BE BASED ON THE DATE RECEIVED IN MY EMAIL INBOX, NOT WHEN I GET AROUND TO OPENING IT!  I HAVE A LOT OF OTHER THINGS GOING ON, AND SOMETIMES, THE DISHES TO DO, TOO! 

 

 

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